I’ll be closing this blog down for good later this week.
C’mon over and play with us at Painting Herself Into Being’s new site. At the new site you can get more information about Angels In My Studio — an online art and spirit adventure.
Plus, you can keep up with my adventures as I get ready to travel the world with artist, Tracy Verdugo to offer women’s art and spirit retreats to YOU!
Lots of exciting news!
Did you know I am organizing a retreat in Puerto Vallarta and an online course called Angels In My Studio? And I’m giving away this painting…
Details are on my new site — Painting Herself Into Being. I hope you’ll hop over and subscribe there. I miss you!
Blessings,
Sheri
If you haven’t clicked through and joined the party at the NEW website, Painting Herself Into Being, you’re missing out! Come and join us at http://www.paintingherselfintobeing.com
See you there!
Sheri
Remember, unless you subscribe over at my new site, you’ll soon be left behind. And that would make me sad 
So c’mon over to the new site to see why I am clamoring about my Goddess Superpowers.
Once you are there you can also catch a glimpse of the week-long women’s retreat in paradise that I am putting together with Australian artist, Tracy Verdugo.
Come on over to my new site to find out why I am writing love notes to Shiloh Sophia McCloud, Cyndi Briggs, Tracy Verdugo, Jeane George Weigel, Blair Glaser, Whitney Ferre, Sari Anneli Myers, Connie Hozvicka, Flora Bowley, and Tamara Laporte.
See you over at Painting Herself Into Being.
C’mon over there and join the party. This here place is gonna close down soon…and I’ll miss you.
Sheri
Exciting news!!!! I’m moving!
This will be one of the last posts on this site. If you want to continue to follow my blog and hear about my upcoming adventures and offerings, please come over to the nearly complete Painting Herself Into Being and enter your email address into the subscription box.
I look forward to seeing you there! And I’ll miss you if you choose to go
Blessings,
Sheri
The Adrenal Exhaustion is rearing its ugly head again. I am trying to find a way into accepting it– a way of being aware of the gift it is offering me. Mostly I just feel annoyed and scared and impatient.
I had tricked myself into thinking I was past this stage. I believed that I would no longer have days when just getting up from the couch feels like more than I can do. I thought I’d never again experience this feeling of bottoming out, this feeling that there are no reserves in my body. This visceral feeling of emptiness at my core. A feeling that I cannot convey to anyone who hasn’t lived it.
To add to that, I had finally succumbed to taking Allegra on a daily basis to suppress the symptoms of dermographism. So, I no longer itched so badly that I would shake and almost pass out. And I’ve grown accustomed to having my skin wheal up and itch from the slightest touch. I actually find it amusing now. Mostly. I don’t know yet what is causing it, but I intend to find out — and in the meantime I have it under control.
My health was heading in the right direction.
I was riding high on the thrill of my first opening. I was moving full-steam ahead with all sorts of projects– finding studio space, painting, learning to draw faces, attending gentle yoga, meeting with powerful local women to incubate our dreams, and taking action toward unfolding dreams that may just have me half-way around the world.
I felt right on track. Giddy. Thrilled. Energized. Unstoppable.
Then on Thursday morning I had a dream just before waking. Sometimes I like when my dreams foretell things. Not so much this time.
I dreamt that I had slept until 10am. In the dream it was time to get up and I couldn’t do it. Every time I tried to get up I just fell back to the bed instead. In the dream I felt that familiar “crashed” feeling that I remembered all too well.
I woke up to discover that it was only 8:30, not 10am. I showered and went out for a lovely breakfast with Michael, my partner. The dream stayed with me, but otherwise I felt fine, so I didn’t immediately understand its significance.
However, by noon I knew what was happening. Everything took more energy than I had. I felt spacey, off-balance, and exhausted. I retreated to the couch.
YUCK.
Friday was worse. I was in tears several times. This was waaaay too familiar. I was resisting this process BIG TIME.
Today is a bit better. I’m re-committing to the things that help — eating every two hours, resting a lot, stopping chocolate and sugar, lots of high-quality supplements. I am reminded that this is a multi-step process and I need to constantly be supporting myself.
And I need to add in meditation, even more loving self-talk, gentle touch, and daily practices that remind me of my Divine nature. And I just need to slow down and trust.
I’m committed to getting to the core. My body has a message for me. I thought I had already heeded that message. After all, I’m honoring myself more. I am moving forward in living my life’s purpose in a big way. I’m doing everything I felt guided to do. It wasn’t enough, though.
I see now that there is more for me to learn here. My body is an incredible teacher. So is yours. What lessons does it have for you?
This video inspired me yesterday. Let me know if it resonates with you.
Pardon me if I seem lost and confused. I’m just a bit disoriented.
I’m in the midst of developing a whole new (gorgeous) website to house this blog, photo galleries, free stuff, and other exciting things that shall remain secret (for now). All sorts of lovely, arty things in one place. And on my own domain.
WHEEEEEEE!
I am excited. I hope you are too — at least a little.
As I gained momentum with this website project I suddenly got a bit weirded out. “Confuzzled” as my 17 year-old son, Morgan, is fond of saying.
The website (as of now) is all about my art. Great. I’m certainly celebrating that!
But this art stuff wasn’t in the plan — and my little self is more than a bit confuzzled.
I have deviated from the plan.
You know. THE PLAN.
See, in February of 2011 I was taking all the steps to build my practice as an intuitive guide and healer. I had written all my promo materials, gathered glowing testimonials, and really honed the description of who I was guided to work with. I felt called to work with women who are finding it challenging to be true to themselves in the midst of the needs and expectations of others.
I was feeling pretty confident that I would be offering healing/counseling sessions at a local retreat center, as well as at my local community acupuncture office. I had been receiving all sorts of guidance that these positions were lined up for me. I had worked out the details with the community acupuncture office (I would be there one day a week) and was waiting to receive a response from the retreat center.
I was thrilled. I felt like my life was falling into place. The work I loved, and was really good at, seemed to be opening even more for me.
I was beaming. Glowing. Radiating.
Then one afternoon in February, the universe me let me know that it had other plans for me. Within the space of an hour I received a rejection email from the retreat center and a call from the acupuncturist saying she had reconsidered and would need to at least postpone my starting date in her office. Indefinitely.
I was crushed. Bewildered, really. Why had this all been built up to just be yanked out from under me?
Luckily I had the presence of mind and enough faith in the Divine to know there was a reason that it was unfolding this way.
And still it felt awful.
As I look back now, I am recalling that this was about the same time I signed up for the Leading A Legendary Life online course. The painting and writing course that changed everything for me. Everything.
Hmmmm. Interesting. No?
In any case, over the next few months I threw myself into painting. I had a major health crash and spent weeks on my couch with practically no energy. I wrote to all of you. And I tried to keep the faith.
And now here I am. Still having odd health challenges. And creating a website for my art. My Art. (And some surprises that I am finding *so* difficult to keep secret!)
I like where I am.
I just wonder, how did I end up HERE?
And now I know better than to think I know where I am headed. I just take it moment by moment and continue to let the miracles unfold.
Blessings,
Sheri
PS — The images here are all doodles and/or digital collage I created back in 2003-2005. Enjoy
Tags: Art, Leading A Legendary Life, personal story, Shiloh Sophia McCloud, transformation, visioning
Who else out there has a dual personality? C’mon, I know it’s not just me.
As I open to the guidance, beauty and miracles that have shown up in my life over the last few months– and really let it all sink in — I feel even more keenly aware of the stark contrast between that divine reality and the old, familiar voice of my inner critic hammering away at my sense of worthiness.
“You fraud! Get back to work. Get a real job! Do something productive. And by the way, you suck and so do your paintings. Get back to me in 10 or 20 years when you’ve really become an artist.”
You can relate, right???
I’m sharing a couple of examples of how that dynamic has been playing out for me– just so you can know that my critical self hasn’t left me alone just because things seem to be going well for me. That’s how critical voices operate — according to their rules you are a failure no matter what kind of success you achieve. Those rules suck!
That’s why I am creating a new set of rules to follow. Why I am holding space for a changing of the guard. I hope you’ll give it a shot too!
Over the past two days I’ve been diving back in to the Fabulous Faces course offered by Tamara at Willowing.org. I’m on week number two of six and it has already exceeded my expectations. When I am being kind to myself, I can feel good about the improvement in my ability to create a face.
Here’s how it unfolded (once I found my pencil sharpener).
So, when I’m in my newer mode of being, when the New Guard is speaking, and I am willing to be kind to myself, I say “Woah! I had no idea I could do that. Thanks, Tam! You rock my world.” and even “Wow! When I practice more, I’ll get even better, and this is pretty good already. Go me!!”
And when I’m in the mode of being that thinks my inner critic is just the bees knees and obviously knows the truth about every situation, the conversation is more like this: “Ha! And now look back to how crappy the eyes are on the faces on your other works!!! You fraud! Look at the reject eyes on the paintings you had the gall to put into a show. You seriously made these public? You freak!!!”
Yep, she’s brutal. She doesn’t approve of these eyes.
And while I see room for improvement in those old paintings, I am trying not to let the squawking of my inner critic invalidate everything I have done before. ‘Cause that would be nuts! So, I’m going to take a moment to love myself for having started this painting journey and congratulate myself for letting it be so awesome along the way. I deserve that! And so do you!
To recap:
Old Guard: I suck for not having been able to paint as well BEFORE the lesson as I could AFTER the lesson. That’s obviously dumb when I write it out that way.
New Guard: I am awesome for even attempting to paint! And I did a pretty good job even as a beginner. I am being kind and loving to myself as I learn even more.
Last Saturday, the very first time I walked into the room where my very first show was hanging, I was elated. I was proud. I was so filled with the knowing that THIS was good and right. Filled with the knowing that I had followed my heart and miracles had unfolded for me. Filled with the knowing that I was there for a reason. That my artwork was good enough to be there. That I was stepping into my truth. It felt grand.
YAHOOOO!
The new guard was with me that evening– and I liked how it felt.
Just a few days later I was on my way back into the gallery with a friend whom I hadn’t seen in months. As we walked up the steps she mentioned that she had a MFA degree, but hadn’t painted in awhile.
My heart sank.
Without her knowledge or intention, that simple comment put my mind into a tailspin and the Old Guard stepped up, front and center.
“Fraud! Lots of people may have liked your paintings on Saturday, but guess what!!!??? THOSE people aren’t MFAs and THOSE people had no way of seeing how BAD you really are. She’s gonna hate everything you created. She’s going to see right through you. And even if she says nice things, she’s going to be secretly thinking how she feels sorry for you that you had the bad sense to let these paintings out into the world. I TOLD YOU SO!!!!!”
Yikes! That was even more brutal than the first example. I’m not sure I’ve totally recovered from that assault yet, but I am working on it. It is vital that I stand again in the world of the New Guard.
Old Guard: I have no business showing beginner level paintings to the public– and I’ve now ruined my credibility forever by doing so.
New Guard: If my paintings weren’t ready to be shown, they wouldn’t be there. I can celebrate my creations! Everything is as it should be. I claim the title of artist.
In my more open moments I know that the Old Guard is only trying to protect me. It loves me and it is scared. I can love it back and not take it’s scared ramblings as truth. That’s where I am headed. Having compassion for the Old Guard as it steps aside to make way for the New Guard.
Remember, even when it seems like a ruthless monster– its just a sad, scared lovey-heart!
As I become aware of these two voices and I acknowledge them, I’m opening to a new truth. And I like it.
Tags: Art, fabulous faces, healing, painting, personal story, transformation
Just a little blip of a post. Just a little whine. Can you bear it? After all, I’ve been awfully upbeat in recent posts…
I’ve been thwarted by a lack of a pencil sharpener. Of all things.
Today I felt inspired to do lesson #2 in the Fabulous Faces online video course I got for free when I signed up for the year-long LifeBook class back in October. You can see the results of my first lesson here.
I went ahead and drew the beginnings of a face, thanks to the wonderful teachings of the Fabulous Tam (who recently gave birth to a very delicious baby boy). I absolutely love listening to her directions in that soothing British accent!
Here’s how it started:
Okay, outline is done.
Not perfect, but not bad for a second attempt. Now time to move into shading and coloring. I can hardly wait!
I realize that in order to do that (use paints in a responsible way in my rental home) I need to set up my drafting table and cover the floor and find a way to access my laptop for the video. This is a bigger project than I expected, but okay, I need to do this anyway because I am planning to move all my art space into the dining room as soon as possible.
So, I move some books, and lay down some plastic contractor bags, set up the drafting table, set up my computer, and set out all my materials.
Quite a project, but now I am getting excited! This isn’t the final setup, but it will be functional for now.
YAHOOOOO!
I get my grubby little hands on the watercolor crayons, the paints and the brushes. I can hardly wait to get started!
I push play on the video, then I look down and realize the two new watercolor pencils I bought specifically for this lesson are not sharpened. My heart sinks.
This isn’t going to work
I don’t have a pencil sharpener here and I don’t have the energy to go get one right now. I’m feeling better than I was a few weeks ago, but the energy drain from the adrenal exhaustion is still present and I’ve already been out twice today and still have my son’s play to attend tonight. I’ve gotta conserve my energy.
Shucks.
Well, the good news is, everything is ready to go as soon as I snag a pencil sharpener.
Ciao folks!
Update 4:25pm– Thanks to the love of my life, I now have a pencil sharpener in my grubby little hands. Michael, my angel, came downstairs and said “I have a memory of seeing a pencil sharpener in this cabinet.” — and he was right. Just another reason to love that man!
Tags: Art, fabulous faces
Sheri Ann Ponzi paints, lives, and loves in Kingston, NY. Her site can now be found at http://www.paintingherselfintobeing.com
